This post is an attempt to explain in a very brief way, why I've been off-line for a while:
On Thursday 25 January, I packed my bags and got on a train. My destination was a psychiatric hospital outside Zürich, where I would spend the next couple of months getting back on my feet (both the mental as well as physical ones).
Most of December last year I spent under my duvet in my bed or on our sofa watching Netflix and knitting. Outside was a scary place and meeting people was even scarier. I clearly needed help.
I know I haven't written much about my work situation in this blog and that's on purpose. Not that there hasn't been enough to write about! There's been plenty of drama: I've had five different jobs in Switzerland which have all (bar one) come to quite abrupt ends. (My CV doesn't include all my past jobs, as I would find it very hard to explain my obvious talent for job-hopping, so I've left out the ones which I just want to forget about...)
What all the positions had in common was that I tried to turn myself into (what I thought was) the right person for the job, even though it meant becoming someone else who looked like me but had to behave out of character eight hours a day, every day, five days a week.
July last year, I parted company with the latest company in the soap-opera of my professional life and since then, my self-confidence took me by the hand and slowly started to drag me towards my sanctuary - my bed - where we could hide from the evil world of responsibilities, office politics, inefficiency and pointless tasks.
Obviously, this state of affairs messed up everything around me (as well as what wasn't already messed up inside my confused head and body which showed all signs of stress) and with the suggestion from my new psychiatrist and the back-up from Paul, I willingly agreed to be admitted to a clinic that among other mental health areas, specialises in burnout and depression.
I came back on Friday 16 March, two days before my birthday, with a new zest for life, more energy, more optimism, feeling calmer, more relaxed and together than before.
To those of you who, during my stay, sent me letters, magazines, cards, thoughts and with whom I Skyped, thanks so much for being there for me, I'm so happy to have you around. To those of you I haven't been in touch with in a loooooong time, I want you to know that I haven't forgotten about you, and part of my 'new life' is to be better at making sure that the people whose company I thoroughly enjoy are aware that I cherish them.
Only time will tell, how well I've landed on my feet and if they can keep me standing up straight, when smaller and bigger bumps appear on the road ahead. With the daily therapies, introduction to a more active lifestyle and the camaraderie among the other patients, I should be well equipped to even perhaps start to run a bit from time to time. (And that's meant both metaphorically as well as literally.)
For various reasons, I've wanted to be open about the last couple of months. Firstly, because it's now been confirmed that I am prone to getting depressions, if I don't look after myself and ignore the first warning signs; secondly, I want people to know how important it is to ask for help, if you start to shy away from daily life and responsibilities (there are lots of other signs when it comes to being depressed and suffer from burnout) - don't ignore the signs - the longer you leave it, the worse it gets; thirdly, many of my future posts are likely to, in parts, deal with my stay at the clinic and what came before. And after. I really, really hope there will be a long and happy after. I will be doing all I can to make that happen. :-)
